Excerpt from the future book “Leadership in Black and White”
Standing in my hotel room, I slide my navy pin-striped suit jacket over my shoulders. My coat sleeve snags briefly on my shiny sterling silver cuff links. The blue flakes in my burgundy tie match my light blue shirt perfectly and the knot is flawless. My black shoes were professionally shined at the airport earlier, and they look pristine. I conduct a final review in the mirror ensuring that my suit, hair, and teeth are clean and neat.
One might think that I am headed to an interview or delivering a presentation at an important business meeting or attending a wedding, but actually I am leaving to officiate a NCAA Division I basketball game. Only two people other than my co-officials will see me in my suit, but it is important to me that I project an image of professionalism. I also want to demonstrate a level of seriousness about that particular game.
After a short drive, I arrive at the Coliseum two hours before the start of the game. When you arrive for meetings, gatherings or events is a form of non verbal communication. Being early communications a level of commitment and demonstrates the importance of this game to my co-officials.
I proceed to the official’s locker room where I will spend the next hour and half. While in the locker room I shine my black running shoes with wipe-on polish. I remove my precisely folded referee jacket from its pouch and clean it with a lint brush. My co-officials arrive, and I exchange greetings and catch up on their current life events. I remove my suit and put on my long black running tights, a “moisture wicking” undershirt and extra padded black socks. I perform a stretching routine for twenty minutes while chatting with my co-officials. I then put on the rest of my uniform that consists of freshly pressed long black polyester pants, shoes, a whistle and a fitted black and white striped shirt that attached to my feet by military style garter belts to ensure it stays tucked in. People tend to gain an impression of you in the first fifteen seconds. Most of that impression is determined by how you look. Administrators, coaches, players and fans will be getting an impression of me from the moment I walk onto the court. My attention to detail about my uniform will contribute to a positive impression.
The Referee in the game conducts a “pre-game” discussion that lasts over twenty minutes (In every NCAA games there is one Referee and two Umpires.) He discusses how we will officiate, communicate and conduct ourselves while on the court. With just a few minutes remaining before we proceed to the court, I take great care in brushing my teeth and ensuring that every hair, which isn’t that many, is in place. I give my hair a final dousing with an extra-hold hair spray. The three of us then walk to the court where we watch the players warm up for the next thirty minutes. Just before tip-off, we walk over and shake the hands of the coaches. I ensure that I look each coach directly in the eye and say, “It’s good to see you coach; it’s great to be here.” Coaches are very smart but often very paranoid about officials. A commanding voice, a firm handshake and a kind greeting can help me start off on the right foot with a coach.
My pregame routine has become a ritual that I use to prepare myself mentally for the upcoming pandemonium, chaos, fun and excitement. I am not alone in my rituals as many officials conduct similar or even more elaborate routines prior to a game. For most officials the reason for taking great care and detail in their rituals is not vanity but communication. In everything you do, say and portray, you are communicating to others. As I lived the story above, I was constantly communicating to everyone that saw me whether we spoke or not. You cannot stop communicating. There are three types of communication that you must be keenly aware: non verbal, voice and words.
Non Verbal = 55%
Verbal = 38%
Voice = 7%
The vast majority of your communication is non verbal and voice, comparably, what you say (your words) is relatively insignificant. All of your communication combined creates an image that your project to others. The image you project determines how people will perceive you, treat you, listen to you, respect you and value you. On the other hand, your self-image is how you view yourself and in many ways is determined by how others treat you.
In basketball officiating, in sales and in business, I have learned that a person’s self-image is often inconsistent with the image they communicate. In other words, how you perceive yourself is not necessarily how others perceive you. In the case of people with a very low self-image, they often communicate this entirely too well. It is your skills that ultimately determine your success in any endeavor, but projecting the right image can significantly increase the opportunities to use those skills.
Over the next few articles, I will be discussing how your communication determines your image and affects your leadership ability. I will also explain what you can do to transform your current image to project the image of a Great Leader.
“The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said.” Peter Drucker
“I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.” Romans 12:1 (NIV)
© 2010 Dennis Howard
Filed under: Communication, Leadership Pitfalls, Uncategorized | 17 Comments
Tags: Basketball, Communication, Image, Leader, Leadership, Manage, Management, Officiating, Referee, Self-Image
Excerpt from the future book “Leadership in Black and White”
Over the years, I have been spit on, drenched with numerous brands of carbonated sodas, showered with popcorn, squirted with a variety of condiments, pelted with ice, Skittles, M&M’s and coins, assaulted with an errant hot dog, doused with nacho cheese, profanely cursed in several different languages and regularly accused of being a liar and a cheat. This epitomizes the not-so glamorous life of a basketball official. Blunt, hostile and vulgar criticism is a regular part of officiating.
The skill of accepting criticism is one that seems to be collectively deficient among Leaders. Part of the problem is that most Great Leaders have a strong belief in themselves and a strong belief in the decisions they make. It is important as a Leader to have these qualities, but too many Leaders fail because of an inability to listen to criticism, evaluate its validity and implement necessary changes. (Henceforth criticism is referred to as Feedback).
In the summer of 1991, I attended my first referee camp in Jonesboro, Arkansas. The camp was run by Paul Galvan, the Supervisor of Officials for the Southwest and Southland Conferences. I paid a camp fee of approximately $400 to attend not including travel expenses for the opportunity to “showcase my talents” for a spot on the roster. I was in no way ready for what I was about to experience. As a high school official at that time, I was accustomed to officiating games with one other official, and I had never worked games using three officials. Also, I had only been officiating basketball for three years, and I had no idea how camps worked.
The way camp functioned was “campers,” like myself, refereed games played by relatively non athletic high school players from around Jonesboro. While we refereed the game, a “critiquer” evaluated the entire crew from the sidelines, taking notes and sometimes spouting information at you while the game was in progress. The games were also filmed, and after the game we journeyed to a film room in the dark recesses of the gym to watch the game. The critiquer would then offer more advice on how to get better and would often make sarcastic remarks about our gross deficiencies as officials.
The critiquer on my first camp game was a man named Bobby Jacobs whom other campers unflatteringly referred to as the “East German Judge.” Bobby is tall with a serious and professional demeanor. At the conclusion of the game Bobby took us aside and began to criticize, castigate, berate, chastise, scold, rebuke and lastly admonish us for our lack of ability and effort. He specifically told me “If you cannot do any better than that, you need to find something else to do.” My utter shock and fear left me speechless. I held back tears and tried not to look completely defeated, and even worse, we had not made it to the film room yet. During the film room critique, I heard very little of Bobby’s advice, and I did my best not to appear downcast though internally I was in full pout mode. I left the film room and desperately sought an escape where I could somehow get someone to drive me back to Little Rock and fly home.
I sat in the stands for a while and sulked, but then I had to get ready for my second game of the day. The critiquer in my next game was a curly black-haired Italian guy, named Tony Stigliano (who ironically would become my small college supervisor a couple of years later). Upon the conclusion of my second game, he criticized, castigated, berated, chastised, scolded, rebuked and lastly admonished us for our lack of ability and effort. Immediately following the film critique, I decided to drag myself back to the not so luxurious accommodations of an Arkansas State dorm room and contemplate my officiating future.
On the way to my room I passed another critiquer who was loudly and candidly sharing his thoughts to the officials who had just finished. One of the officials became defensive and argued with the critiquer. I watched as both men grew more and more angry and the conversation became extremely heated. I worried that these two strong-willed men would come to blows. The critiquer said, “You don’t want to get better. You don’t want to listen. You think you know it all. If you can’t handle me getting on you how will you ever handle a big time Division 1 coach who will be 100 times worse? You will never make it at the Division 1 level!” Then, the critiquer walked off leaving the stunned official fuming and in shock. Watching this altercation did not make me feel any better, but I was grateful that I had kept my mouth shut.
I look back on that experience now and laugh, but at the time it was quite traumatic. Over the years, this brutally honest style of feedback and training taught me the valuable skill of accepting negative feedback. Accepting feedback from leaders, peers or subordinates is especially challenging for Leaders with strong personalities. It is challenging to hear people provide feedback that calls attention to our imperfections. It is even harder to accept feedback when it comes from people that we do not view as our leaders.
Over the past 19 years I have been critiqued hundreds of times at camp and during the season. This regular practice of accepting feedback, most of it negative, helped me develop a simple seven step system for accepting criticism.
STEP 1: LISTEN to the entire feedback before speaking.
Your initial reaction may be to interrupt and respond, but remain silent. Any response at this point will probably be interpreted as defensiveness. Listen intently and do not speak until you are sure they are finished. Also, be very cognizant of your body language. Avoid folding our arms, frowning or giving any nonverbal communication that you disagree.
Example: (Silence)
STEP 2: ASK only sincere clarifying questions.
It is vital that you sound sincere. Avoid asking the question, “Can you give me an example of when I do this?” It may be interpreted as “I do not believe you.” Avoid asking, “When I do this, how does it make you feel?” This may be interpreted as patronizing and chances are they would not provide you feedback if it did not have a negative effect on them.
Example:
“Do I do this in our weekly meeting?”
“How long have you observed me doing this? Is this a recent issue?
“Do I just do this to you or have you seen me do this to others?”
STEP 3: APOLOGIZE immediately, if your actions caused some type of offense or hurt feelings.
Please note that this does not say apologize only if you agree with the feedback. Perception is reality. Though your actions or communication was not intended to offend, a great Leader must be somewhat sensitive to how others interpret communication. It is a common egocentric leadership misconception that people interpret all of our communication as it was intended. Now is not the time to give them a “toughen up” speech, as this will appear dismissive.
Example:
“I am very sorry if my actions were offensive in any way.”
“I am very sorry if anything I said was inappropriate.”
STEP 4: Show APPRECIATION to the person for providing the feedback and ENCOURAGE them to continue to provide feedback in the future.
It takes courage for someone to provide potentially negative feedback especially if you are their supervisor. A great Leader knows feedback is a key component in self-improvement, so you want to always encourage this behavior in others. Also remember, showing appreciation does not necessarily mean you agree with the feedback, but it does demonstrate you are open to it. Also, encourage continued feedback because, it is better to receive constructive feedback directly from your leaders, peers and subordinates than to hear the feedback circulating through the rumor mill.
Example:
“Thank you very much for bringing this to my attention. Please let me know if you ever see me do this again.”
“Thank you so much for providing this feedback. Please remind me often if you see me continue doing this.”
“It takes courage to provide constructive feedback, and I appreciate it very much, and I want you to always feel comfortable providing me feedback.”
STEP 5: ASSESS the validity of the feedback no matter how outlandish the feedback may seem.
Do not instantly conclude the feedback to be either all right or all wrong. Search for subtle truths within all feedback. Find something in the feedback that you can use to make yourself better. If needed, ask people you trust to provide an honest assessment of the feedback’s validity.
STEP 6: COMMUNICATE THE CHANGE to the original person who provided you feedback.
You can either communicate the change directly to the person or in a public setting where they are in attendance. You want people to understand that providing you feedback even if it is negative is both encouraged and appreciated.
Example:
“I want to follow up with you on the feedback you provided me last week. After thinking about what you said, I realize that I need to change… Please monitor my progress and do not hesitate to let me know if you see me revert back to my old habits.”
“Last week I was given some valuable feedback by a member of this team, and I learned that I need to do … better. Please let me know if I revert back to my old habits.
STEP 7: DEMONSTRATE THE CHANGE.
Now is the hard part. You must implement the necessary improvements to your behavior or communication that demonstrates you actually utilized the feedback.
This is not an easy process and there are pitfalls that occur as you begin to implement this system. I have listed a few of the most common ones.
Pitfall #1: The deliverer of feedback is emotional.
You cannot allow yourself to get swept up in that emotion. If they are yelling, you want to avoid raising your voice. You also want to avoid statements such as “calm down” as this only further infuriates the person. Listen for the actual issue and disregard all of the unnecessary “verbal noise” that accompanies the feedback. In a recent game I officiated, a coach began screaming at me. This is how the conversation went.
Coach screams at me after I call traveling on his team, “DENNIS, YOU GUYS ARE SCREWING ME. YOU MAKE A TICKY-TACK TRAVEL CALL ON US, AND EVERY TIME #45 GOES TO THE BASKET HE PALMS THE BALL. I’VE WATCHED HIM ON FILM, AND HE’S BEEN DOING IT ALL YEAR BUT YOU GUYS DON’T HAVE THE GUTS TO CALL IT. PALMING IS SUPPOSED TO BE A POINT OF EMPHASIS THIS YEAR. THIS IS BULL****.”
In a calm voice I ask a clarifying question that I already know the answer to, “Who carried the ball?”
Coach responds still screaming, “#45 PALMS THE BALL EVERY TIME HE GOES TO THE BASKET!”
Still in a calm voice, I apologize, encourage and communicate how I will correct the issue, “Coach, if we missed palming, I’m sorry. Thanks for bringing it to my attention. I will watch for it and discuss it with the crew at halftime.”
Coach is now calmer but still agitated, “Just watch him. He does it every time.”
I allow him to have the last word and choose not to respond further. At halftime I discussed what the coach had told me with the other officials. One official admitted he had probably missed a carrying on #45. Early in the second half, the official calls a carrying violation on #45. As I run by the coach, his only communication is, “Finally, Thank you.” He did not mention palming the rest of the game.
It is vital that when feedback is provided in an emotional or hostile state that you do become emotional yourself. You must remain calm and speak in a calm even tone.
Pitfall #2: The feedback provider attacks you personally.
There are times when feedback is meant to be an attack and has no real value. Several years ago, a ninety year old little frail woman walked on to the court during a time-out. She walked over to me, put her finger in my face and said condemningly, “You are the devil!” The coach for the home team ran on to the court and pleaded that I not throw her out because it was his mother. Every time I think about that fiery woman I burst out laughing. This woman was only attempting to protect her son who she felt was not being treated fairly. After assessing her feedback, I concluded that I was in fact not the devil, so I chose to ignore it.
Good feedback can sometimes be surrounded by personal attacks. Do not let personal attacks get in the way of valuable feedback.
Example:
“You are an idiot. That idea will never work. What are you thinking?”
Clarifying Question: “Why do you think it will not work?”
“The customer will never go for it. It will cost them twice as much as they are paying now and their IT person hates those types of products.”
Clarifying Question: “What did the IT person say about this?”
“They told me specifically there was no way they would do something like this.”
Appreciation and Encouragement: “Thanks for bringing this to my attention. I was unaware of the IT person’s concern. Please let me know anytime you get feedback from the customer, so we can prevent any potentially negative issues from arising.”
It is very tough to let personal attacks go without reacting. Some people think not responding makes them look weak, but it is quite the contrary. Demonstrating control over your emotions, remaining calm and focusing on the problems without getting rattled gives others the impression that you are in complete control. People will not only admire you for it, but they will turn to you in times of crisis as you have demonstrated the ability to keep a clear head in chaotic situations. You will look weak, however, if you attack back. Great Leaders are more interested in fixing problems than worrying about personal attacks.
Pitfall 3: Be extremely careful about communicating sarcastic or dismissive remarks.
Avoid using phrases such as, “oh really” or “is that right.” You need to sound open and sincere with your questions and responses. Sarcasm communicates arrogance. I constantly struggle with my own talent for sarcasm, and it has often exacerbated volatile situations with coaches during my games. Sarcasm is not an effective tool for Great Leaders.
Pitfall 4: The feedback is a smoke screen for another issue.
This occurs often in sales situations. A potential clients tells you that price is the reason that they are not moving forward when in reality it is another reason altogether. They may have more trust in one of your competitors. They may not want to go through the hassle of implementing your product. They may not understand how your product will actually provide them long-term benefits. Whatever the real reason, asking clarifying questions can help you understand the true nature of their feedback.
Conclusion:
As you implement this system, it may be shocking to those around you. After a CEO I consulted with used this system with one of his Vice Presidents, the VP replied, “Who are you and what did you do with our CEO?” Do not be deterred and do not let surprised remarks hinder you from developing the skill.
Accepting Criticism is a key skill that you can develop to improve your leadership ability. Feedback is an essential source for personal and organizational improvement. In my years consulting with Leaders of companies, the development of this skill can have the quickest impact in opening communication lines among employees. If you are currently one that does not accept feedback well, this may be extremely hard to master. It takes great courage to do this well, and courage is an essential quality of Great Leaders.
“Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.” Winston Churchill
“Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you. Instruct a wise man and he will be wiser still; teach a righteous man and he will add to his learning. Proverbs 9:8-9 (NIV)
© 2010 Dennis Howard
Filed under: Courage, Uncategorized | 17 Comments
Tags: Basketball, Criticism, Feedback, Leader, Leadership, Management, Officiating, Referee
Life is not Fair
Excerpt from the future book “Leadership in Black and White”
The harsh reality of “life is not fair” has been the Achilles heel of many leaders. For some leaders it eats away at their very soul. On Wednesday June 2, 2010 there was a Major League Baseball game played between the Cleveland Indians and Detroit Tigers. A twenty-eight year old right-handed pitcher from Venezuela named Armando Antonio Galarraga pitched a complete game for Detroit allowing only one hit on the night and walking none. This game may sound relatively insignificant but for two people in that game it was definitely something they will remember for the rest of their lives.
With two outs in the ninth inning Galarraga had pitched a perfect game: no runs, no hits, no walks and no errors. Jason Donald of Cleveland hit a ground ball to first baseman Miguel Cabrera who tossed the ball back to Galarraga who was covering first base. The first base umpire Jim Joyce, one of the most respected umpire’s in the Major Leagues, emphatically yelled, “Safe!” That ended the perfect game and a chance for Galarraga to become a part of baseball history. Galarraga grinned, returned to the mound and proceeded to get the next batter out for a very respectable one hit shut-out.
I watched the replay of Donald’s infield hit over and over. Each time I hoped the outcome would be different. Sadly, the replay clearly showed that Donald should have been called out and that the umpire Joyce had missed the call. Joyce’s mistake cost Galarraga his chance at baseball immortality.
Unlike most baseball fans who were both enraged and appalled at the egregious blunder by the umpire, my heart went out to him. I cringed each time I watched the replay. I hated that it could not be changed. I felt bad for what Joyce was going through. I have been in a similar situation where my mistake cost a team the game. When you realize your mistake, you hate yourself for what you did. It is maddening and then depressing. It makes you nauseous to think about it. For some officials, it marks the beginning of the end of their career because they cannot shake the fear of ever making another mistake.
On the other hand, I hated that Galarraga did not get his “Perfect Game.” He missed going into the record books. He missed his opportunity to go on the David Letterman Show, and for a pitcher that had not had an illustrious career, he missed what may have been his one shining moment. It was an injustice. In fact it was just plain unfair.
Leaders must come to grips with the harsh reality that life is not fair. Unfortunately, good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people. I have listened to basketball officials bemoan about how it is so unfair that people with less ability and experience get better games or how officiating supervisors are biased against certain races, or people below a certain height or people from a particular state. I have listened to salespeople lament about another salesperson that if they had a better territory like him or a large client like her they would be just as successful. I have heard just about every excuse a person can create and spouted a few myself about why I am not a better parent, spouse, employee, Leader, official, salesperson or Christian. The self-pity usually ends with, “if I had the same opportunity as that person then things would be different…”
Another issue with fairness is that it is subjective. Recently I listened as officials discussed the unfairness that an official who had been late to a small college play-off game continued to receive more play-off games from our supervisor. All of the officials agreed that it was unfair. I had a different perspective. This official had refereed fifty or more games that year with most considered less than the “premier” games, had driven thousands of miles across Texas and Oklahoma and through it all always maintained a positive attitude. Being late had never been an issue with this official in the past, so it was an isolated incident. He made one mistake, so I felt he deserved the play-off games, and he deserved the benefit of the doubt for his tardiness. People view fairness differently so what is fair to one person may be unfair to another.
So you may be asking, “What do I do about it?” The answer is simple but the application is extremely difficult. A great Leader:
- Devotes himself or herself to overcoming his own or his team’s obstacles, barriers and detractors
- Accepts total responsibility for his/her and his/her team’s current situation.
- Only concerns themselves with the one thing that he or she has complete control over, themselves.
- Focuses solely on reaching their full potential and helping their team reach their full potential and does not waste valuable time comparing themselves others.
Our society especially in sports has a win at all cost mentality and anything short of winning is failure. I subscribe to John Wooden’s philosophy that the key to leadership is helping yourself and others reach their full potential. In his book Wooden on Leadership, Wooden states, “Set your standards high, namely, do the absolute best of which you are capable. Focus on running the race rather than winning it. Do those things necessary to bring forth your personal best and don’t lose sleep worrying about the competition. Let the competition lose sleep worrying about you. Teach your organization to do the same.”
If after the competition is over you can honestly say, “I did my absolute very best and gave it everything I had,” then you have achieved success even if you were not the top salesperson, a playoff official or the winning team. Then, you can reevaluate, set new goals, develop and train yourself more to increase your ability and your potential.
The great challenge for all Leaders is to focus on our own struggles and look for our own opportunities and never get caught up in other people’s luck and good fortune. Even harder for a Leader is to genuinely be happy for other’s success even when it seems they had it “easy.”
Wherever you are in your life right now, there is someone doing better than you, catching more breaks, and falling into better opportunities. Wherever you are in your life right now, there is someone doing worse than you, catching less breaks, and missing more opportunities. Don’t be a slave to this world’s lack of fairness. Life may be unfair, but You are still the Master of Your Own Destiny.
“In times of great stress or adversity, it’s always best to keep busy, to plow your anger and your energy into something positive.” Lee Iacocca
“Again I looked throughout the earth and saw that the swiftest person does not always win the race, nor the strongest man the battle, and that wise men are often poor, and skillful men are not necessarily famous.” Ecclesiastes 9:11. The Living Bible
© 2010 Dennis Howard
Filed under: Leadership Pitfalls, Uncategorized | 18 Comments
Tags: Basketball, Fairness, Leader, Leadership, Officiating, Referee
D Howard
Leadership in Black and White 